I never know how to start these things. Sure, I’m a ‘veteran’ blogger but this blog is different. This blog is me baring all for you, world. It’s a little intimidating…

Hi Reader. 

Welcome to my blog. You can call me Jae. I’m a lady smack dab in the middle of my twenties. I live with my little family in a lovely little cottage in the central bit of the United States of Awesome. I’m the mother of two, wife to one, and overall nerd.

A little more than a year ago my life got turned on end and I started down a life-altering path. I was diagnosed with a rare form of Lupus. 

It took almost 7 months before doctors formally diagnosed me. Up until that point I felt like I was in limbo (Hell some days I still feel like I’m in limbo but that’s another story).  I had lost over 75+ lbs. I couldn’t keep hardly any food down no matter how hard I tried. I hurt EVERYWHERE. I visited the hospital frequently because I was so dehydrated and needed fluids. I had to quit my job. I felt like I had the flu constantly. My joints were swollen and stiff. My face got weird rashes. I could hardly get out of bed. My hair was falling out. I was depressed, seriously – who wouldn’t be. I became a recluse in my home. I had been juggled between doctor to doctor – all of which just looked at me, did a bunch of tests, and then proceeded to scratch their heads and give me the “I don’t know what’s wrong with you” speech.

In layman’s terms: My body simply betrayed me and I hated myself because of it.

What I didn’t know was that my body flipped some imaginary ‘on’ switch after getting a rolling bout of the stomach bug and flu – and for some reason or another it decided that it just didn’t want to function normally anymore. Think of it as a total body-mutiny.  Fuckin’ Lupus Pirates, always messing up my shit.

Since then my life has changed drastically. I at least have some culprit that I can blame – but it doesn’t make it all better.

Life has definitely become something else entirely. It’s my beautiful mess.

Before all of this happened I was a jet-setter. I did all the things because I felt like I was a super hero. I was a performer, an artist, a business owner, a musician, and more. I could save the universe if I wanted to. I was on top of the fucking world and nobody could put me down.

Now I’m more methodical in my activities (See: Spoon Theory). I can’t just do all the things anymore and it frustrates me. I tire out so much easier than I used to. I have to be careful of what I put in my body.

Some days I’m not able to get out of bed… and this journey is about me being able to say that that’s okay.

One day life will be better. I won’t be miraculously cured by any stretch but I will know how to manage my symptoms and flair-ups… I’m just not there yet. 

There is a long road ahead of me. Some days will be good. Others will completely and totally suck. I have to take one day at a time. I am surrounded by a wonderful support system. My husband is my rock. I would not be here without him, his love, and his support. My children make me smile and help me remember that things will get better. My family drive me completely bonkers, but they mean well. I will survive. 

This blog is a place for me to breathe, to be creative with makeup, to share awesome things, to vent, to get out of my comfort zone, to live and to share what life is like through my own personal looking glass.

My hope is that you find something interesting here. Maybe it will shed some light on how weird Lupus really is. Hopefully it will inspire creativity in some – especially if you like that makeup-type stuff.

Feel free to leave comments, ask questions, share something you’ve found that’s interesting.

XO,
jae

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